life as an injured person is much more difficult than i
ever thought.
i was playing the sport i love
volleyball
when i came down wrong on my knee.
now
i
have
crutches!
blarg!!!!
so i've been a mix of all sorts of emotions,
lots of anger,
determination,
resignation,
sadness,
disappointment,
frustration,
and i'm trying to figure out what all i can learn
about being in this situation.
i am determined to have a good attitude and recovery
quickly.
i'm just so used to feeling strong and able and capable and
here i am unable to walk normally.
what is god teaching me?
to slow down?
to be humble?
to accept help from others more readily?
to make sure that sports do not define who i am?
is it not even something he is teaching me but using me
to teach someone else?
things i may never know but i will do all i can in this situation.
if you're the praying kind, say a prayer for healing.
........
LOVE

sunny smiles in september

this day has a certain air of perfection to it.
it may be that the sun is out,
or that a slight breeze is drifting in my window,
or that i hear people playing volleyball outside,
or the meal with my church community after service today,
or the brownies i made in a mug with my roomate,
or that my best friend is going to call me later,
possibly the promise of a sand volleyball game later,
could be worshipping barefoot,
well what ever it is,
it has my heart full of all sorts of good!
............
some times i can't wait to be a mom, not that i want to rush it
but last night i babysat a professors little girl and she woke up
crying at quarter till nine. all she wanted me to do was rock her
in the 'big rocking chair'. it was so precious and maybe i'll just rock my
own kids to bed some day.

Life is going by in a tizzy.
I just can't seem to keep up with this pace,
but its exhilerating all the same.
New things are surprising me
and making me all kinds of excited.
....
God has been showing himself in
new ways too.
hehe
I love when i get a small sense of
his vast love of me.
i find myself so often recalling my
unworthyness,
stubborness,
lack of usefulness,
unwillingness,
but then kindly reprimands me
and whispers his sweet love
song in my ear.
It tickles ever so slightly and makes me all
kinds of joyful. I just want to shout it out,
to make others understand,
to make you understand where I am.
The way he works blows my mind,
so should I sit here attempting to understand?
Or should I accept that I can't possibly understand
and therefore move on in learning more of who
he is?
.......
I've been questioned lately
(and seemingly its been multiple times)
of what it is that defines me.
How do I view myself?
Who am I?
You see, dear friend, I believe that if God is the most
important thing in my life,
then shouldn't what he think be
what I believe?
Cause I want it to be...I want him to be most important.
But I can't. Bleh....its so hard to be human sometimes,
I want to believe him soooo bad,
so bad it hurts.
So now i'm attempting to put forth my efforts
in believing God's view of me
to be what my identity is.
Cause if I could just believe him with my silly heart,
then i think that life might be a little easier.
Easier in that i won't have to care
about how others identify me,
because
i
am
identified
by
my
CREATOR.
.....
(so are you)