crunch, crunch....its fall.

its a new night....
today has had a plethera of emotions.
here are some:
- i was frustrated that i had to walk all over lutheran hospital on a field trip
-i was angry because all that walking was hurting my knee and making it swell
- i was irritated because i needed something of mine that someone else had and i couldn't
get ahold of them to get it back
- i was tired because life lately has been stressful and i haven't gotten enough sleep
- i was joyful because my best friend is so amazing (god uses her in sooo many ways to teach me things)
- i was deteremined to get all my physical therapy done
- i was happy that i get to pray for my team after practice...its makes me feel like i'm still apart of the team
- i was excited that in my night class we were sent on errands and had to act like ocd people (my partner and i had a blast counting steps, going through doors five times, not stepping on cracks, and wiping everything off, aka door knobs, with a kleenex!!)

so over all my day started out like the weather...cold but turned into a nice day!
..........
and this is for my team mate and friend: "crunch, crunch....its fall!"

life as an injured person is much more difficult than i
ever thought.
i was playing the sport i love
volleyball
when i came down wrong on my knee.
now
i
have
crutches!
blarg!!!!
so i've been a mix of all sorts of emotions,
lots of anger,
determination,
resignation,
sadness,
disappointment,
frustration,
and i'm trying to figure out what all i can learn
about being in this situation.
i am determined to have a good attitude and recovery
quickly.
i'm just so used to feeling strong and able and capable and
here i am unable to walk normally.
what is god teaching me?
to slow down?
to be humble?
to accept help from others more readily?
to make sure that sports do not define who i am?
is it not even something he is teaching me but using me
to teach someone else?
things i may never know but i will do all i can in this situation.
if you're the praying kind, say a prayer for healing.
........
LOVE

sunny smiles in september

this day has a certain air of perfection to it.
it may be that the sun is out,
or that a slight breeze is drifting in my window,
or that i hear people playing volleyball outside,
or the meal with my church community after service today,
or the brownies i made in a mug with my roomate,
or that my best friend is going to call me later,
possibly the promise of a sand volleyball game later,
could be worshipping barefoot,
well what ever it is,
it has my heart full of all sorts of good!
............
some times i can't wait to be a mom, not that i want to rush it
but last night i babysat a professors little girl and she woke up
crying at quarter till nine. all she wanted me to do was rock her
in the 'big rocking chair'. it was so precious and maybe i'll just rock my
own kids to bed some day.

Life is going by in a tizzy.
I just can't seem to keep up with this pace,
but its exhilerating all the same.
New things are surprising me
and making me all kinds of excited.
....
God has been showing himself in
new ways too.
hehe
I love when i get a small sense of
his vast love of me.
i find myself so often recalling my
unworthyness,
stubborness,
lack of usefulness,
unwillingness,
but then kindly reprimands me
and whispers his sweet love
song in my ear.
It tickles ever so slightly and makes me all
kinds of joyful. I just want to shout it out,
to make others understand,
to make you understand where I am.
The way he works blows my mind,
so should I sit here attempting to understand?
Or should I accept that I can't possibly understand
and therefore move on in learning more of who
he is?
.......
I've been questioned lately
(and seemingly its been multiple times)
of what it is that defines me.
How do I view myself?
Who am I?
You see, dear friend, I believe that if God is the most
important thing in my life,
then shouldn't what he think be
what I believe?
Cause I want it to be...I want him to be most important.
But I can't. Bleh....its so hard to be human sometimes,
I want to believe him soooo bad,
so bad it hurts.
So now i'm attempting to put forth my efforts
in believing God's view of me
to be what my identity is.
Cause if I could just believe him with my silly heart,
then i think that life might be a little easier.
Easier in that i won't have to care
about how others identify me,
because
i
am
identified
by
my
CREATOR.
.....
(so are you)

oklahoma friends

so i have been listening to a mixture of jazz and big band music. something about it
soothes
my
soul.

i finally decorated my room today, and assortment of red, green, brown, yellow (gotta have yellow), blue, and a hint of orange. its sorta a retro floral print. i want to make this feel like my home.

you see, once upon a time there was another place i called 'home away from home' and that place was not here, but i would like it to become 'here'. but just the other day i was there and i realized how comfortable my heart feels there, it does little flips when i enter that town, it has so much to offer. but then i had to leave there to come back here, and i want to feel the way i do there when i'm here. god's working on my heart.

........

i got a message from a friend who moved to oklahoma today, life sounds rough for her. it made me cry, to know that there wasn't any tangible way i could reassure her with a hug (cause hugs can do lots for the soul). so i called and left her a voicemail, cause voicemails=the best. god works in crazy ways cause the teaching i heard on sunday with my best friend was one of how god promises us things, but he will also test us in those things to find where our heart is. so i just told my oklahoma friend all about what i learned in hopes that it may inspire her in some way.

muncie is so cool, well my friends house in muncie is actually. i went there this weekend, cause sometimes i just need to be in her presence. god does a lot of speaking through her to me....and so i need to make more of an effort to allow that more often. oh life!

deep breaths

Life is Looking Up

i would have to be brutally honest and say that never in my life did
i think i would ever have a blog.
but what say you my friends, it tis not be all bad.
my best friend has a blog, i think it was her that unknowingly
convinced me of this new trend in my life.
i like her a lot. she bakes, which is super cool.
......

i feel like God has something big planned and its
right
around
the
corner!
i am so excited to see what this year brings.
alreday there are new environments, people, places, situations.

life is fresh, like walking through a flower garden and breathing in the
intoxicating smell of the blossoms like each breath will be the last of this pleasure.
just don't hyperventilate.